Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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