i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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