she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need moral support for this bender
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
PANTIES FOUND
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
