I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
