who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
