Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
