her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
