I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
