I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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