am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
