All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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