; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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