She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
