haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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