I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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