There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
