I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
