Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
