I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
