every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
