Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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