I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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