I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Panties = found
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
