I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
