A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
