I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
