Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are we still banned from the library?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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