dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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