I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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