Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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