I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
