one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
