Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
