Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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