I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
