nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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