If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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