in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
