We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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