this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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