awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
