i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
