don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
