I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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