I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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