i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
