just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
