I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
