Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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