He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
