This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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