Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
