wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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