DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
