Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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