good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
