one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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