The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
