A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
