had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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