Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
