TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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