I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
