apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
