i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
