I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
