ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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