somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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