I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
