SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
