There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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