Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
