You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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