i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
